Between You and Me


December 3, 2015

By Kimberly Berg

Observer Columnist

Dear Kimberly,

I have been talking to this guy for a few months and we were supposed to get together Saturday night but I never heard from him. He texted me the next day stating he passed out after dinner.


Why am I attracting men who can’t seem to commit to even hanging out? This isn’t the first time I’ve been stood up and it’s the worst feeling and I’m not sure what I need to do to make a shift.

I wonder if you’re involved with men you even like (if you get honest)? This is about exploring who and where you are choosing to spend your time. It’s like you’ve accepted someone’s a convict and can see they have goodness and worth but haven’t realized that while someone is a “good person” it doesn’t mean you actually share in the same value structure as they do.

You both know it’s not a match and men can sense when the heart wants contact. This man isn’t available for that type of emotional intimacy and thus it’s uncomfortable for him. Since you may have an agreement with him about the limitations of the relationship his dishonesty may seem uncalled for, but if he senses more is coming from you than agreed upon, it’s uncomfortable.

He may be sensing a need in you, a desire for connection that you don’t expect him to fulfill but he feels the longing nonetheless. His communication skills just don’t reach the realm that would benefit you a bit more.

Prejudice of any kind implies that you are identified with the thinking mind. It means you don't see the other human being anymore, but only your own concept of that human being. To reduce the aliveness of another human being to a concept is already a form of violence.

-Eckhart Tolle

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