Hi Kimberly,

Maybe you can help with my current dilemma. I want to buy a vacation home on the beach, close to the one we use that belongs to another family member. That property has two houses and we use one of them. We do repairs and furnish it but since it won’t go to us when she passes, we don’t want to invest into it too heavily financially. Yet, if we built a second level, we would have a view of the ocean and buying our own home wouldn’t be necessary. My partner won’t buy a house until the family member (who owns property) passes and I am frustrated. What do I do?

-Beach lover

Dear Beach lover,

What is the reason to purchase your own home? What is the reason to build a second story on the current home? Sounds like one is an investment/luxury/security and one is an investment/luxury without any security (as of right now).

Does your partner believe that building the second story is a mute point since it could mean you wouldn’t even get to enjoy it due to the property possibly being sold and the 2nd level you built would no longer be guaranteed for your use?

Sounds like a technical issue. Since you are positive to whom the property will be bequeathed, perhaps a conversation and agreement should be drawn up (to ensure you get what was orally agreed upon after the sale)? By including all parties involved I believe you can have a positive outcome for all. This isn’t about being patient, as I initially “thought" its about negotiation. You need to enlighten others of your dilemma and invite their support for the peaceful resolution to be had.

Author: We Learn Nothing

One reason we rush so quickly to the vulgar satisfactions of judgment, and love to revel in our righteous outrage is that it spares us from the impotent pain of empathy, and the harder, messier work of understanding.

-Tim Kreider, Author

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